I keep referring to the ‘Mask’ I ‘wear’ on a daily basis – the ‘Mask’ which has allowed me to cope with Depression throughout my existence. So, this post is something which I hope to explain what it is, and how many others with Depression that I have encountered do similar things in order to cope with their Depression and interact socially, and survive…

I have done quite a lot of cursory research on Depressive behaviour in an attempt to understand myself, and why I have acted and reacted to situations during my life. I have always been known as the life and soul of the party, the happy face, the safe person to speak to and have a laugh with if they feel down – so surely this isn’t the behaviour of a Depressed person?

Speaking to a close friend of mine, she laughed and pointed out the obvious. She told me I always wanted to please others so much that I always gave them what I thought they wanted to see. i.e. a fun, happy person. This set me to thinking. It’s true, I always had felt that I acted differently around different people, to the extent that I have different groups of friends, some of which can’t stand each other, which makes celebratory gatherings rather interesting… Often meaning I have to have more than one ‘gathering’… Again – I appeared to (and still am… How do you change your social scene so quickly?) be changing my personality, changing my ‘Mask’ to suit the moment and those surrounding me.

So how do I break this habit without becoming ‘that’ depressed person in the corner looking distracted? I’m determined to keep channelling the happiness that I feel when trying to please others, and try to concentrate on how i’m feeling in a situation, not giving people what they want to see. Easy to say – but incredibly difficult to do. I think in the grand scheme of things, breaking this habit will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do… If I ever succeed… But I have a strong feeling I will.