It’s afternoon lull time, and just had a one to one with my line manager. It seems my progress at work is much better – and I have to say it’s a relief. In fact it’s like a little bit of a deflated feeling. I’ve been riding high on the new medication for a while now so I suppose it’s to be expected. My body is normalising and getting used to the drug, I’m just a little nervous about dropping any lower in mood. Which doesn’t help – being nervous that is.

I did something this lunch time I promised myself I wouldn’t do – consult the internet about a particular symptom I have at the moment. I constantly feel like i’ve got a cold coming, blocked nose, sniffy, sinus headaches (at least I think they are) so I Googled Duloxetine and flu symptoms. Oh lordy did I wish I hadn’t. So far I’ve convinced myself I have the first stages of Liver Failure, an allergy to Duloxetine, and worst of all, Serotonin Syndrome. Then I came to my senses. I mean if I had Liver Failure I’d get yellow skin, eyes – yellow something to show for it, and of course i’ve diligently avoided alcohol… allergies, well i’d react worse than a mild annoying sniffle now wouldn’t I? And as for Serotnin Syndrome, I think my paranoia threw that one in just for good measure.

It’s funny as when I was reading through one particular forum, there was a solitary little voice popped up with a simple sentence ‘It’s great to have this subject (sic Duloxetine) discussed here, but these tablets changed my life, and yes they may not work for everyone, but can someone please put something positive up, as last time a drug worked for me and everyone went mad about how bad it was, it got withdrawn and I was stuck in despair until I found Duloxetine’. And I thought – yes… There has to be some measure of common sense here.

Drugs can be seen as horrific people killers, life ruiners, but then, alcohol is free for people to pick up and abuse as much as they like. I’m worried about potential Liver Failure on Cymbalta, yet I KNOW if I drink enough alcohol it’s guaranteed… Or, smoking for instance, people smoke. It’s proven to cause Cancer, but Cigarettes aren’t removed from sale. Or… I don’t know, caffiene. Red Bull raises your heart rate, surely anything that messes with your heart is bad? I mean I could go on and on – Salt, Fat, processed meat, meat in general! (food poisoning?) fact is, anything that messes with your brain is scary. Anything which is new and fairly unknown is scary.

Different things suit different people, if you only listened to the bad things in life you would never set foot out of your door. I could try aspirin tomorrow because of a pesky headache and find it kills me. I could fall over and get an infection from something – it could all sound far fetched, but it DOES HAPPEN. So why I am writing this? To remind myself next time I read all the scare mongering about my illness and my medication that it really isn’t all bad. I feel better now than I have done in a very long time, and yes the withdrawal symptoms and process from Cymbalta might be a total nightmare (as a complete aside, I have bought some gelatin capsules for this very purpose so I can taper down myself – I had bad brain zaps from Citalopram, so it’s likely from Cymbalta) but I am going to continue.

And I am going to get a Pizza on the way home and paint my nails tonight. Simple things lift the mood, and strangely, with my rant over and prospect of girlie night in front of the TV i’m feeling much better already…