Good MORNING!!! New day, new thoughts and well, new feelings. Haven’t felt this way for a while, the overwhelming ‘urgency’ that i’ve been missing something, I should be doing something else, or something’s not quite right seems to have slipped away silently during the night and been replaced with a serene contentment. It’s not a drugged ‘laissez faire’ feeling like my first medicated episode, but a much more ‘in control’ feeling, worries are under control, paranoia, anxiety all seems well buttoned down. Sounds weird, but I even put my contact lenses in this morning.

I am quite a ‘vain’ person, always try to look my best because this makes me feel my best – however of late, even though i’ve been feeling better and rising out of my low, i’d been wearing my glasses. They’re nice glasses, i’m fond of them, however, wearing my glasses makes me feel protected from the world, almost like a barrier. So putting my contact lenses in puts me back in the world. Front row seats to my life. As i’ve said before – little things, little steps, make such huge differences… Maybe that’s why I feel like i’m back in control? Who knows. But i’m not knocking it.

I’m even more pleased with myself however as I had a bit of a ‘down’ moment last night. I could feel that familiar ‘questioning’ and ‘panic’ rising in my head, thoughts spinning, cycling round and round, not being dismissed and dissipating as they should… But I recognised it, and with a few encouraging words from a friend ‘I know you can pull yourself out of this – you are stronger than you know’ I did indeed. I gave myself my girlie night, my other half came home early, and I went to sleep having broken the cycle of thoughts. I’d done it.

Maybe that’s why I slept better? Still had difficulty getting off to sleep, but it wasn’t bad thoughts that kept me awake, it was simply the ‘i’m not tired’ response that i’ve been getting since starting the new medication. But when I did sleep, it was good, welcome and refreshing. And today I woke up content. So – if I could say anything to anyone who is battling and struggling with Depression, is that you can do it, you can consciously and sub-consciously take back control of your thoughts and fears. Contentment is there, it’s available, and if I can do it then anyone can.