I find myself reminiscing a lot since the realisation of my Depression. When I think about my past I start analysing situations I’d previously overlooked as ‘normal behaviours’. Very much like my previous post noting that others dont equate an extreme of happiness as a consequence of depression as much as they may equate severe sadness. It’s not just others, it’s me as well. The hardest struggle of this disorder is the recognition and tempering of fears and thoughts when they happen. You’re not fighting anyone else, you’re continually fighting yourself…

A close friend of mine was discussing this issue with me this morning, explaining that when she searches for comfort in the present – she looks to the past to try and avoid what she’s done before, analysing and over-analysing. But that’s not what we should be doing. We should be looking ahead, thinking about new accomplishments and new possibilities instead of trying to analyse our old decisions, we shouldn’t encourage troubling thoughts to appear – optimism is the key. Sounds silly really – an Optimistic Depressive? But as i’ve said so many times before, I AM essentially optimistic, I DO look towards the future – and I don’t have to be the only one.

Luckily for me, my Depression is just a part of my personality, nothing horrific has happened in my life to make me this way, so not overanalysing the past is a little easier for me. I tend to obsess over silly things in the present day, then worry how they will affect the future. So remeniscence of late has been an unusual thing for me. I see it as part of my healing, opening my mind – widening my focus and another way to cope.