I don’t seem to have anything remotely ‘profound’ at the forefront of my mind to say today (do I ever?!), but, as is the practice which seems to keep me on an even keel, I’m afraid a thoughts spillage will ensue.

I feel a little frustrated this morning as we bought the dog a proper snuggly dog bed as it’s nearly winter, and her hips appear to be getting worse now she’s nearly 10. We considered she may not be able to get up onto the sofa like she used to, and well, she needs to be able to stay warm in the really cold dead of night etc. So we finally found one big enough for her, added extra padding to the bottom, chucked in her favourite toys, bribed her with ‘gravy bones’ for sitting in it and hoped she’d go for it. Well, she did when my other half and I were stretched fully out on our respective sofas, and she seemed to be enjoying it too, but when I woke up this morning she was in her usual place on the sofa.

I know it’ll take a little while for her to get the idea it’s her bed, but I can tell you, dog beds are not cheap, so it’s a bit frustrating that she hasn’t taken to it straight away… See silly little things prey on the mind, I mean with all the other stuff going on in my life, why would I worry about my dog ‘not liking’ her new bed? Just goes to show how perverse my mind function can be at times.

Again, now i’ve written that and just re-read it I can see how daft the whole worry is. She’s an animal, she’s been used to sleeping on a sofa for a few months, and then this huge squashy thing has replaced the dog blanket she used to sit on when there was no space on the sofa. Thinking of it that way, she’ll have to get used to it over time. OK – worry parked, time to move on to the next!

I was speaking to a friend of mine yesterday, and funnily enough we were talking about medication, whether it was stopping working as we were both starting to feel some anxieties and worries coming back. I was considering this as it did worry me, but at some point, we would both have to come off the medication anyway, so I suppose the real question is am I ready to come off the medication?

We discussed a number of things, and I noted that having the worries and anxieties there in my mind actually wasn’t a bad thing because they weren’t taking over. Instead of the medication destroying such thoughts (can they actually do that without removing your personality too?) is it still helping but just to help you regulate your thoughts? I mean, if you broke your leg, would you still keep trying to walk? Or would you give yourself time to recouperate and then take it easy to get back into the swing of things?

So. Bad thoughts do not take over now, I am in a much better position to rationally think about my actions and behaviours. Am I ready to go drug free? I think I am, it’s a long tapering to get off these drugs – as usual I’ve done tonnes of research, and after the rather difficult Citalopram withdrawal, and the toleration of Duloxetine in the first place I’ve settled on an extremely gradual tapering.

Within my tablets, there are a number of time release micro-balls which can be removed if you carefully open the caplet. I have bought some empty gel capsules, and so, i’ll decant into those, removing one micro-ball a day and do it that way. May take a few months, but I think it’ll be worth it to minimise the withdrawal symptoms. It’s pretty potent stuff Duloxetine, and although it’s been wonderful for my mental health, my physical health has not been great in all honesty. But when I come off them, that will return, and well, we all know that mental health has an incredible affect on physical health anyway, so I just trade one for the other until all comes good.