Nerves. I’m nervous. Definitely a little more than usual. I’ve always been a nervous performer, hence why I never really did go into performance. I mean I sing well – but I’m nothing special. So, I have a BIG concert tonight. I’m only in the chorus, but the soloist is BIG TIME. I now have this huge fear of forgetting the words to a really crucial bit and the full house and famous soloist is going to notice and I’ll look like a big pillock rank amateur. Well yes, I am an amateur anyway, but that’s not the point.

I know it’s irrational because most people won’t know me anyway, and so what if I get something wrong? True, the concert is going out on Radio broadcast in a few weeks, but it’s not a live broadcast so if it was that horrendous it’d get tweaked or cut i’m sure… Thanks Douglas Adams for this but DON’T PANIC. I keep repeating it to myself. I’ll do my best, hopefully i’ll enjoy it, and more than anything I hope to do myself proud.

Of late, I hadn’t actually been getting that nervous, whether that’s from confidence or whether it was the medication dulling the sensation, I have no idea, but it seems i’m nervous enough today to pierce both confidence and medication. Don’t get me wrong, nerves can be a good thing, make you more alert, pay attention to the details, heightens your senses. But as will all of my emotions, it’s being able to stop them at a decent level before it gets destructive. Being overly happy and overly sad is a bad thing, but also being overly nervous can just turn me into gibbering wreck. A bit like my flying phobia used to. Thing is, in a Concert, if things fall apart people always look to me to sort it out. So I really have to pull it together.

Saying that, i’ve now acknowledged what the dread was that I was feeling in the pit of my stomach – so it’s time to tackle it head on. I think I’ll feel better when I’ve left work and I can slip into pre-performance mode. Get my makeup on, concert gear and flick through my music one last time. It’ll be ok – if others can do it there’s no reason why I can’t either.