Definitely feeling the after effects of the missed tablet today… Had really vivid horrific nightmares last night, I am usually very good at lucid dreaming, but didn’t manage to pull myself out of any of the dreams… Suffice to say I feel like the walking dead this morning, however curiously, I slept deeply, and I haven’t done that for a while. There’s always a positive!

I remembered the tablet this morning, however I am currently having a few brain swims (brain zaps – but I prefer to call them brain swims as it is more akin to the feeling of being under water…) eyes not focussing, balance spinning, yadda yadda, pretty typical withdrawals really, but I’m hoping they’ll disappear in a few hours… Who knows. Funnily though, no emotional issues, and no nausea! No headaches! Could be worse!

Still feeling rather positive, planning Christmas events, meeting friends, next steps of my projects – which I will hit with earnest this weekend, and also planning for the long term future… I am totally determined now to go for more involvement with my music… Considering my rant about modern composers a few posts ago, I’ve been thinking about it more and more – why WAS I so rattled and annoyed by the music not conforming to what I deemed proper? It’s rather outmoded to invalidate something just because I don’t like it. In fact in the end I ended up enjoying some of it… not all mind, some I just COULD NOT come to terms with.

I’m starting to push my boundaries. As with all art, who is to say what is valid and isn’t? If it evokes an emotion, isn’t it doing what it should? Even if that emotion isn’t particularly a so called positive one? Isn’t that what truly the best creative talents do? Challenge things? It’s not something i’m 100% comfortable with yet, but i’m trying. Understanding something doesn’t necessarily mean you have to like it!