Am I creative because I’m Depressed? Or Depressed because I’m creative? Or is the answer neither? Creativity is something that many people describe as ‘being talented’, ‘naturally gifted’, something special, something innate that cannot be learned, only developed from what we have naturally. We’ve all been in situations where people ‘try’ to act but cannot, mainly because they can’t connect with the feelings of the imaginary situation. Does having a ‘mental illness’ mean that the heightened emotions that we feel enable us to empathise so much more intensely? Is it then a coincidence that the most eminent actors and actresses have been known to have mental illnesses?

We talk about people having a ‘scientific’ mind, thinking in a certain way – it’s happily accepted that logic and science and engineering and being able to think that way is admirable, even though again, those eminent scientists often have mental issues, i.e. Autism, Depression (again) and many others, but it’s never stigmatised to the same level of so called ‘artistic’ pursuits.

I’ve always prided myself on being able to tackle anything – i’ve completed an undergraduate Artistic degree, then re-trained in a postgraduate Scientific degree. Suffice to say I struggled with the Scientific mindset – I find it difficult to see in black and white, believing in only that which is proven… I see all the wonderful greys in between, and it’s not just the colours either, it’s the texture of those greys too… There’s always more than one way to look at a situation.

So as i’ve mentioned before, feeling emotions more intensely is no bad thing, it makes us who we are, and enables us to do things many others can’t. Finding what your creative niche is is the difficult task, perhaps music is my forte, or composition, or writing, or making up stories, or who knows? Maybe I haven’t even found my forte yet… This is why I say you have to try different experiences in life, don’t just sit back and let life pass you by. How do you know what makes you happy until you find it? And even then it may be more than one activity you love. There’s a good chance it will be.

Drug free and thinking clearly for the first time since I started my medication, i’m feeling rather calm and focussed today. My projects have taken a little bit of a back seat whilst i’ve been weaning off the tablets, but now the withdrawal effects have gone, it’s time to take control back of my direction in life…